Scrypton

It has been three months since new year’s day but it’s only today that I finally experience a new year. For quite some time people around me have been embracing the idea of the ‘new beginning’, ‘new doors’, and receiving ‘all things new’, yet I simply couldn’t fully grasped these notions until now.

Two weeks ago, just a day after Good Friday (or the day before that day where we celebrate the ressurection of Jesus… my church leader wants us to call that day Passover instead of Easter due to historical reasons and other fundamental things). Yes, anyway, that day, a door has been closed for me. The door that was opened the year before and seem to have all the great future behind it.

I then went into a dormant state where I just stopped thinking and not trying to analyse what happened. Until two days ago.

Last Sunday arvo I had to revisit my local mall to run some errands just because I forgot to do it the day before, where I was already at the mall. So it wasnt an arranged plan.

To my surprise, I bumped into a very very very old friend of mine. My highschool friend. We had a lot going on back then but I didn’t even make attempts to say hello or say the first words and start a conversation. I just stood there and waited for my turn on the cashier register while my friend stood exactly behind me.

It was a gruesome 3 minute moment but I had it in my mind that it was the right thing to do. It was apparent that I couldn’t afford to bring back my old life into the future and let them run my life even for another second. It felt that it was time for me to receive new things, not recyclying old things.

It really didn’t stop there. This morning, on my way to the train station I, again, saw a very familiar face from my past. One that I would like to forget. There, in front of my eyes. So I just walked right pass.

While waiting for the train, I, once again, saw a very familiar face. She was my schoolmate back in junior high where good times happened. I kinda know that we have been working at the same CBD area but since we’ve never talked for ages I just couldn’t start a conversation. So I just look outside the train window all the way to the destination with my earphones on.

It really amazes me how your past can catch up to you in such a way when all you are trying to do is to let them go. They appear out of nowhere and presented me with flashbacks. It’s like those people in the movies who got their entire life flashing before their eyes moments before they die.

Very scary.

But at least now I know what it is all about. I have to die in order for me to live. And yes, those memories of the past came right back as a reminder of how I lived. But I wasn’t supposed to come back. I have been destined to move forward. Die to my old self, and live a new life. A new beginning.

That day before passover, where the door was closed, I knew that I had to start from square one. I was really disturbed. And scared. Yet I knew that I couldn’t possibly continue on something that’s already dead.

Yesterday, i finally make a decision to leave Sydney. I will close the whole 10-year chapter of my life here and move on. There’s a new door prepared for me in London and I will go there and pursue it. After all, it seems like everything here has already been taken care of and there are only a few things to close.*

Now I am not so scared anymore.

* April Fools Day Prank